Timing Is Everything
by La Moonlight Lily
Summary: Where Sasuke finds out about one of his brother's most intimate secrets in the worst possible way. ItaSaku/Non-mass.


**_A/N:_** What do you do when you're in the middle of writing a multi-chapter fic? Write a smutty one-shot of course! Or not but here you guys go.

I just needed some time to think about the next chapter's events of _May I_ , so this happened in the meantime. The chapter's coming, I promise. But in the spirit of Christmas and holidays (one day late, I know) please enjoy this!

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke was a man on a mission.

Twenty-three years. Twenty-three years he'd been in this world and his earliest memory is of his brother cradling him fondly to his chest. He'd always been there as Sasuke grew. Watching him stare with wonder as his big, round eyes explored his surroundings. Waiting for him as he took his first steps towards him. Smiling at him as he babbled his first word. Watching him with unconcealed pride on his first day in the Academy.

Every memorable moment Sasuke could think of, he shared with Itachi. As he grew, Itachi had been his support, his idol, his mentor. He would always be able to offer Sasuke exactly what he needed, exactly when he needed it. Whether it being comfort or company or advice, Itachi would always be there with a knowing gleam in his dark eyes, eyes full of more understanding than anyone else could ever be capable of.

Being as popular and – ahem– _agreeable_ as he was (fine, as a child at least. He could admit to that), Uchiha Sasuke had suffered no shortage of friends, his peers at the Academy constantly flocking around him and his cousins lingering at every corner in the compound, always with him to play or train or drag him around the village to loosen up like the tightly-knit clan that they were. Even still, Itachi would always remain his best and closest friend, the one he would always admire more than anyone and always confide in. Sasuke had always shared more as a child while his brother remained more reserved, but as they grew up and grew closer, his aniki had learned to disclose his more intimate thoughts and feelings to Sasuke as well.

And now that bastard had a girlfriend that he wouldn't even mention a sniff of to Sasuke.

How dare he.

Sasuke was his brother! His closest friend– his _best_ friend, and if that wretched excuse of a cousin even _thinks_ to utter a sound of protest, Sasuke would make a large slab of grilled meat out of him. It was bad enough that he had to share with Shisui already, but a girl now too?

He wasn't jealous. He was not.

If anything, he was only insulted. He'd started picking up on the strange signs six months ago and up till now, Itachi had not breathed one word. At first, Sasuke really thought Itachi was just tired and attributed this to all the missions he'd been on lately when Itachi would skip dinner and go to sleep early at times. Then the dinner skipping became way too frequent, the missions increased at a drastic rate, even for Itachi, and Sasuke even caught Itachi's clone fighting him on one of the rare sparring sessions he could convince Itachi to squeeze into his schedule. Their sparring sessions used to be a weekly bonding time.

Sasuke still wasn't jealous.

He just couldn't understand why his aniki would keep this from him. Was he ashamed or insecure about her for some reason? Maybe he was pursuing one of Sasuke's former love interests and didn't want to upset him by telling him. Or was it… Was his older brother having an affair with a married woman?

None of that mattered anyway, because Uchiha Sasuke was still on the previously mentioned self-assigned mission to catch his older brother and that woman of his. And he was going to do just that within two measly minutes.

He knew Itachi had his secret lover over in the clan's main house. The house was conveniently empty and Itachi had just returned from a three-week-long escort mission and had no doubt missed his girlfriend. He'd already told his family that morning at breakfast that he would be resting after his long mission. And just to be completely safe, Sasuke, who left the house last, had performed a jutsu on it to notify him of anyone leaving or entering. So far, Itachi had remained stationary within the premises.

And he had been joined by one other person not ten minutes ago.

Rounding the corner to their street, Sasuke jogged to the main house, taking care to conceal his chakra and move almost silently towards his brother's room.

He couldn't hear any sounds except from the shishi-odoshi in the garden, which was very strange. Were they just talking softly in the room? Or maybe Itachi really was tired and they just -Sasuke mentally cringed- cuddled to sleep?

Pressing his side against the wall, Sasuke softly slid the shoji screen open, just a little, and was immediately assaulted with slapping sounds and high-pitched moans.

Apparently Itachi at least still had the mind to cast a silencing jutsu on the room.

He was facing the door, on his knees on the futon and thrusting into the woman who was on all fours before him. Sasuke couldn't see who she was, her head was on the mattress, hidden by the door, and all he could see of her was the arch of her back and her very nice, very toned ass.

Sasuke should really get going…

Because as much as he wanted to surprise the sneaky couple, he really did not want to see Itachi grunting and biting his lip as he drove into this woman, beads of sweat sliding down his chest, unbound hair clinging to his sweaty neck.

And he really, really did not want to see his brother sitting back on his haunches and roughly pulling that woman up by the hips so her back was to his chest, her breasts in full view of Sasuke's eyes and her pink hair spilling over Itachi's shoulder.

Wait, _pink?!_

His eyes widened as he took in the woman's familiar features, before Itachi wrapped his right arm across her torso to cup her left breast, and used his other hand to twist her neck back and capture her lips.

Sakura -or at least what Sasuke believed to be Sakura- snaked her own arm back to twist around Itachi's neck and pull him closer into that passionate clash of lips, her moans swallowed by her lover's mouth.

Itachi's hand slipped from the woman's jaw to her shoulder, and down her body all the way to the v between her legs, his fingers finding her swollen nub and stroking it in fast circles.

She broke the kiss and threw her head back on his shoulder. Arched her body forward so her breasts were even more pronounced to Sasuke's gaze -and they really were some of the best-looking breasts he's ever see- _no don't think of that!_ – and Itachi's mouth shifted to her neck and down across her shoulder, peppering kisses and soft bites onto her flushed skin.

Sakura made a beautiful, erotic picture, bouncing atop her lover's lap, her breasts bouncing with her while he pinched and squeezed them, which only made her move with even more abandon.

"Itachi," she moaned wantonly, clasping her dark locks in her pretty little palm.

"That's it, love," Itachi breathed into her neck with a small smile and his touches on her body became frantic. His fingers rubbed at her clit a little faster, pinched her nipples a little harder, and their pace quickened.

Then their rhythm faltered. And Sakura fell onto Itachi with more force than she anticipated, driving him deep into her. She stiffened. Threw her head back and screwed her eyes shut. Let out a strangled, electrifying scream. And Itachi practically snapped.

He grabbed her hips, lifted her roughly off of him and threw her on the futon onto her back. Within a split second, Itachi was on top of her, spreading her legs wide and placing himself between them.

As soon as his brother's posterior faced him, Sasuke snapped to attention and had to force himself at the last second not to slam the door shut in his hurry. He almost ran to the front door, trying not bump into anything on his way, which of course meant that he had to stub his toe into the wall the second right after. Biting his tongue to not do anything further that would alert his brother and teammate, Sasuke grabbed his sandals and bolted outside the house and into the streets of the compound.

* * *

Up into the room, Itachi relished the look on his lover's face as he pushed back into her, her wetness engulfing him once again. He grabbed her thighs tightly, pumping his hips into hers with slow but hard strokes, ones that made her clench the sheets tightly and made her lips part in a silent scream of ecstasy.

He lowered his head to her breasts, pressing delicate kisses to the soft, pert globes, then taking one hardened nipple into his mouth. Rolled his tongue around it while rolling its twin between his fingers. Listened to her breathy moans as he sucked on her bosom while she squirmed underneath him and almost sobbed with need as he continued his slow torture.

"Itachi," his name was dragged out in an impatient whimper, and Itachi raised his head from Sakura's breast to her mouth, grabbed her hips and started pounding roughly into her.

It didn't take long for him to bring her over the edge, her body trembling violently as she wailed out her orgasm, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as if to keep herself grounded. Her muscles clenched tightly around his member, and he followed her a few short moments after with a groan and a breathy _'Sakura'_ whispered in her ear as he spilled into her.

They stayed like that for a while. Itachi still inside her, catching their breaths as their bodies cooled down. Sakura ran her hand up and down his back.

"I missed you," he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Then you shouldn't have teased me so much," Sakura laughed and dragged her fingers through his soft tresses, pressing a light kiss to the top of his head.

"I can't help it," he raised his head. Kissed both of her cheeks then gave her lips a small peck. "You always look so beautiful when you want me so much. I like to savour it."

She blushed and punched his shoulder, and Itachi let out a quiet chuckle and dipped his head again to sink his lips into hers.

They kissed languidly, wrapped around each other, their mouths tenderly caressing smooth patches of skin before their lips found each other again, until their wandering hands lit up the fire dormant inside them once more.

"By the way," Sakura gasped as he nipped at the underside of her jaw, before continuing, "did you hear something earlier?"

"You mean beside all the screaming in my ear?" He bit at her neck again. Soothed it with slight suck of his lips. She clenched her muscles deliciously around his gradually hardening member in return, making him hiss.

"I have a feeling you ear hasn't seen the end of my screaming today."

Itachi's response was a roguish smirk and a hand running down her thigh, then lifted her leg up and placed it over his shoulder.

* * *

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

Sasuke sprinted over Konoha's rooftops, his heavy steps granting him more than one angry swear as he dashed across the village.

 _Idiot!_

In what world did he think catching Itachi unawares about his secret girlfriend was a good idea? Even worse, how could he think they would be doing anything else than what he caught them doing when he decided to surprise them?

And why the hell had he stayed for that long?!

Sasuke wasn't sure if it was the shock of seeing his brother screwing someone, or seeing his female teammate naked, or seeing his brother screwing his female teammate who also happened to be naked, or if it was because they were practically a picture out of that pervert Jirayia's books, and that man seriously knew how to write erotica-

Nope. He was not going to go there.

Before long, Sasuke found himself at his desired destination and pounded heavily on the wooden door until the apartment's occupant answered.

"Teme! What the hell are you doing banging on my door so early in the morning!"

"Sakura has a boyfriend!"

 _Idiot!_

It was too late to take it back though, and Sasuke added this to the newly-founded list of _'Idiotic Acts Instigated by Uchiha Sasuke'_.

Naruto just blinked like the idiot that he was a few times before his brain finally caught on.

"What?!" His shrill yell made Sasuke wince. "Who?! When?! And how do you know about that?!"

"It doesn't matter, idiot," Sasuke ignored the first two questions. "The important thing is, she has a boyfriend and she hasn't told us anything about that."

"Well let's find her then!" Naruto proclaimed loudly, already scrambling back inside his apartment to look for a change of clothes. Sasuke followed and closed the door. It was bad enough that the neighbours might have heard the first part of their conversation.

"We'll find her and make her tell us everything," the blond mumbled as he rummaged through a pile of clothes in the corner of the living room, "and then we'll go give whoever it is she's with a piece of our mind."

"We can't really do that," Sasuke stated calmly. Gradually slipping back in his collected Uchiha self.

"Of course we can!" Naruto almost shouted, "we can even bring along Kakashi-sensei, he'll make whoever it is piss their pants just by appearing.

"Dobe," Sasuke started carefully, "Sakura's dating my brother."

" _WHAT?!_ "

* * *

"Are you _sure_ it was her with him?"

"Hn."

"I mean, absolutely sure?"

Sasuke sighed tiredly.

"Yes Naruto, I'm absolutely sure."

"Ehh…" Naruto trailed off, a thoughtful expression on his face.

It stayed on his face for a few minutes too long.

"What?" Sasuke finally snapped and Naruto's eyes went back to him.

"Eh, I was just thinking," he rubbed his chin in contemplation, "two of the most seasoned shinobi in this village and they didn't feel your presence at all? Was it really that good?"

Sasuke immediately slammed his fist into Naruto's head.

"We will not mention that, ever again," he ground out, ignoring his friend's cries of pain.

"Well what the hell are we supposed to do now?" Naruto protested. "We can't rough up your brother, he'll kill us. And we can't force her into telling us anything, she'll beat us to death too."

"There's only one thing we can do," Sasuke proclaimed confidently.

"We're going to catch them in the act."

One more thing on the _List of Idiotic Acts Instigated by Uchiha Sasuke_. He might not have been aware of that fact just yet.

* * *

After reassuring Naruto that no, they did not have to catch them having sex, only find them together, hopefully in one of their tender moments, and then they'd be forced to tell them everything, they spent an hour more planning their ambush.

"My brother is a lot more careful, and a lot more in control of his emotions," Sasuke stated and Naruto listened in rapt attention, taking notes dutifully. "We'll have to work on following Sakura and getting her to confess. She's more likely to cave."

Naruto nodded and scribbled down some more notes.

They two young men decided to first lure the pink-haired kunoichi into their first trap that very night at their planned team outing. They even took her to her favourite tempura restaurant.

Step 1: Get her into a good mood. Success.

Sakura was smiling brightly the moment they set foot in the quaint establishment, excited at the prospect of hearty fried food. She munched happily on her food while teasing their ex-sensei, who happily humoured her.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto cleared his throat after they finished their meal, "I kinda need your advice on something."

"Oh?" She looked curious, and gave him her attention and a nod for him to continue right away.

"Well," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck shyly, "I'm thinking of asking Hinata-chan out!"

Her eyes instantly lit up.

"Naruto! That's great!" Sakura was almost jumping in her seat in excitement. "I'm glad _someone_ in this team is finally trying to settle down."

Step 2: Get her to start talking about relationships. Success.

"Ehehehe," Naruto laughed awkwardly and discreetly caught Sasuke's eye. Sasuke had to give it to him. The idiot knew how to play their teammate/best friend.

They made plans to meet the next day after Sasuke grumbled about girls and annoying squealing sounds.

"What about you then, Pasty Face?" Sakura turned her attention to him. "Still think no girl is worthy enough of your pretty bum?"

He scowled at her and Naruto was quick to jump at the opportunity.

"Honestly, you should be the one with the boyfriend already, Sakura-chan! Hasn't anybody finally caught your eye?"

She snorted. Not even missing a beat. "Naruto have you _seen_ my schedule lately? I barely have the time to shower or sleep in the comfort of my own home. Do you think I would have the time to pay attention to a guy who wants some canoodling? I mean, Kakashi has more of a chance committing to someone."

"And I would, if you would agree to my countless requests for dinner and relieve this old man's heart of its misery."

"You still think you could satisfy me, _sensei_?" Sakura was leaning into the older man, giving him a coy look.

"Oh, I know I could," Kakashi threw back, and they knew he was smirking underneath his mask.

If he didn't know better, Sasuke would think the two were flirting. Out of the three of them, somehow, it was Sakura that became closest to their old teacher after they graduated from genin, and it wasn't unfamiliar to see them so comfortable and teasing with each other. That, and the fact that Sasuke had caught her in his brother's bed not twelve hours earlier, a fact that still made him shudder.

"In all seriousness, though," Sakura turned her attention back to Naruto, "no time for casual dating even. And one of you," she pinched Kakashi's side while levelling Naruto with a hard look, "should hurry up and become Hokage because at this rate, Shishou's going to run me into an early grave."

"So no boyfriend?" Naruto was pouting now.

"No boyfriend," Sakura confirmed and the two young men almost sighed in frustration.

Step 3: Get her to admit she was involved with someone. Anyone. Complete and utter failure.

* * *

Their next attempt presented itself a week later when Itachi announced that he would be going to the hospital for a scheduled physical check-up. Sasuke didn't have the time to alert Naruto but jumped at the opportunity nonetheless, and followed his brother to the hospital not ten minutes after he left the house.

He found the head nurse easily as soon as he entered the hospital, and thankfully she guided him to his teammate's whereabouts.

"Sakura-senpai is in exam room 3 with a patient," she said with a kind smile, "if it's not terribly pressing, perhaps you could wait for her at the waiting room, Uchiha-san?"

"I'm afraid it's a bit urgent," Sasuke returned, "I won't disturb them for long though."

He gave the older woman a nod and turned on his heel before she could say any more, quickly making his way to the familiar exam room.

He didn't bother knocking. Just threw the door open a bit more forcefully than he intended and made the two unsuspecting occupants of the room jump.

Sasuke felt the beginnings of a satisfied grin make their way to his lips. And then felt said grin drop instantly.

"Yo!"

Sitting on the exam table was his bare-chested old sensei, his mask still covering the lower part of his face. And between his legs, stood Sakura, her hands glowing green and frozen over the older man's abdomen.

He saw her eyebrow tick.

"What the hell Sasuke!" He couldn't suppress the wince at her shrill yell. She didn't even give him a chance to mumble an apology before she launched into an angry tirade.

"How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm with patients? And why did you open the door so hard? And why the _hell_ didn't you knock?! I thought your mother taught you better manners than this!"

Her face was flushed with anger and she was breathing hard by the time she managed to get all of that out, and Sasuke could only run his hand through his hair and mumble a sheepish _'sorry'_.

Sakura kept staring at him though with a look that said _'say what you want right now and scram before I kick you all the way to the Hokage Monument'_ and Sasuke cleared his throat.

"Sakura," he started carefully, "where's my brother?"

Somehow, that only served to irritate her further.

"Why would you ask _me_ that?"

"He hasn't told you anything, you haven't seen him in passing or something?" he tried again.

"Sasuke, why would Itachi-san tell me anything about what he's doing?" Sakura sounded frustrated. "We barely even talk."

Sasuke had to scan her face carefully for a moment. Beneath all the frustration and the anger, she seemed… confused? And not the _'I totally did it but I don't know what you're talking about'_ look he often saw, but genuinely confused.

 _That's strange…_

"I saw him in the lobby earlier," the silver-haired man on the table interjected, "he said something about a routine exam too?" Kakashi looked to Sakura for confirmation.

"I haven't seen the full schedule for routine exams today, but if he came in the same time as Kakashi, then he should be done within half an hour. You could probably catch him at the exit." Sakura sighed and Sasuke nodded in thanks.

"Now if that's all, can you please leave so I can finish with Kakashi? I have a very tight schedule today."

Sasuke left without a word, before she really did kick him. He went back to the lobby and thirty-two minutes later, his brother strolled through the corridor and towards the exit door. Itachi almost looked perplexed at Sasuke's presence, especially since his younger brother had been waiting for him for no apparent reason, but Sasuke only told him that he wanted to catch him before he had to go on one of his many errands so they could grab some dango. It looked like Itachi didn't believe him for a moment but his brother eventually agreed with a quiet _'hn'_ and they made their way to Itachi's favourite dango stand.

Sasuke barely managed not to look like a disappointed pouting child throughout their short meeting.

* * *

They spent an entire month trying -and failing miserably- to even catch Sakura and Itachi together in the same room having a completely innocent conversation. They tried to surprise Sakura one early morning at her apartment when Itachi hadn't slept in his room the night before. They started feeling giddy when she took too long to answer, but it only turns out she was taking a warm bath after a long shift and she yelled their ears off for interrupting her relaxation time, in nothing but a towel, and made them buy her breakfast for the entire week. Sasuke staked out her apartment for another week from the neighbours' tree, before they somehow caught him one night and he had to bolt before they could alert the military police -he didn't know if his father would kill him for being a stalker or for getting caught doing it, but he must never know about that, ever- and pretend the next day that they must strengthen the traps around Sakura's place when she told him about the incident.

Naruto, the idiot, even followed Sakura and Ino around the village once after he passed by the flower shop and heard the word _'date'_. He just followed and followed until, being the idiot that he was, he didn't realise that they'd led him straight to the bathhouse. Instead of calmly making a retreat, the blond blockhead squeaked in surprise when he realised that he was spying on naked girls from behind a wooden wall, and said naked girls promptly wrapped their bodies in towels and beat him to a pulp.

He came to Sasuke's house, his face swollen and blue, crying about how he wasn't even doing it on purpose this time, and _'how could I know that Ino could hit that hard'_ and Sasuke barely managed to convince Sakura to heal the poor thing before he ran Sasuke out of his carefully maintained patience.

"Are you sure your brother didn't just trap you into a nasty genjutsu because you tried to interrupt his beauty sleep?" Naruto finally suggested one day and Sasuke had almost taken that explanation for fact and given up. Only he was an Uchiha and a damn powerful one at that, and he would definitely know when he was caught into a silly genjutsu.

Before the two could hold another planning session, Sasuke's mother told him to invite his teammates over for dinner because they hadn't been over in a while and she'd missed them around for some unfathomable reason. It was all normal to Sasuke, until his mother had announced that his brother would be present as well. Itachi never showed up on Team 7 dinner at the Uchiha household. Ever. Not only that, but his ANBU team was invited as well, because Shisui was already a regular at their house and he got on well with Sasuke's team, so four more people wouldn't hurt, right?

Wrong.

Something smelled very fishy, but Sasuke decided that this was an even better opportunity to confirm his suspicions - _no_ , not suspicions, he already knew, just needed more proof- and informed Naruto of his newest plan.

Come said fated dinner, Sasuke escorted his two best friends through the compound and to the main house to find his brother's team already there, their cousin and Shiranui Genma engaged in an arm wrestling match while Inuzuka Hana assisted their mother in the kitchen.

"Sakura-chan!" his mother greeted warmly, giving the younger girl a hug. When Sakura tried to join the preparations, the boys immediately intervened.

"We'll help. It's just setting the table that's left by now." Sasuke took her by the arm and started to lead her to the dining room.

"Sakura-chan's been working so hard lately," Naruto explained, "we'll help in the kitchen and you should rest."

They practically plopped down a very confused, and very amused, Sakura in her seat at the table, where the Uchiha Head and Heir were already seated.

Right next to Itachi. _Perfect._

They hurried back to the kitchen as soon as they heard their teammate engage the two men at the table in polite greetings and conversation, which remained to be the case until the table was fully set and the attendees were all seated around for the meal.

"It's a little crowded, but I hope everyone's comfortable enough," Sasuke's mother said with a pleasant smile from her place beside him, to his father's right and directly across from Itachi. Sasuke and Naruto smiled discreetly at their vantage point of the young couple, who were sitting a bit too close for comfort due to the current table's arrangement. They didn't seem to be too uncomfortable though.

The meal proceeded without a hitch and Sasuke was almost tearing his hair out. There was no subtle flirting, no insinuations, no discreet looks or smiles, and Sasuke really was beginning to imagine he'd dreamt the whole thing.

They finished eating and he helped his mother take the dishes away, to her great surprise and delight, and told her to rest while he brought out dessert. He could hear Genma teasing Naruto about some stupid thing or another and Naruto yelling away his protests. Shisui joined the goading and soon, the rest of the table was chuckling amusedly at their antics. Sasuke sighed and carefully balanced the plates full of dango and dorayaki in his hands, carrying them out of the kitchen.

The odd group was too busy focused on the men's silliness, so they paid no attention to Sasuke quietly padding his way to them. They also didn't seem to be paying any attention to the long-haired male at the table who shifted his hand very minutely so his knuckles grazed the thigh of the female sitting next to him, her legs folded underneath her. It would've seemed like a coincidence too, had said female not shifted her hand in return to lightly wrap her fingers around his brother's.

"Drop that hand!" Sasuke found himself shouting. "Right now!"

The laughter stopped. The occupants of the room stared at him, mostly wide-eyed, with the exception of the culprits themselves.

His mother regarded him carefully, cocked her head to the side in thought, shifted her gaze to Itachi, then finally smiled at the surprised individuals who still had no idea what the hell was going on.

"How about we take our dessert in the garden, hm? Would anyone like some tea?" She ushered the group out to the garden, ignoring Naruto's protests and taking the plates off of Sasuke's hands. She shut the door and all who remained in the room were Sasuke, the traitors, and his father for some reason.

"Sasuke…" Sakura started, looking at him with big, apologetic eyes. He could see that Itachi didn't drop her hand after all, only held it tighter.

"You almost did make me believe I was crazy, you know," Sasuke's tone was oddly calm, even to him.

"You denied it as if it were second nature to do so, you didn't show one hint of knowing what I was talking about, you wouldn't even be caught passing each other in the same street," he continued, "which is perfectly normal if you were hiding it from anybody else, but when did it become so easy for the both of you to lie to me?"

Sakura opened her mouth, but he didn't give her a chance to answer. "And I even _asked_ you directly about it, if you were involved with someone or not." Sasuke ran his hand through his messy hair, before addressing his brother. "And _you!_ I still can't understand why _you_ of all people would keep something like this from me in the first place, nii-san."

"Because I asked him to."

For some reason, that made Sasuke feel even more betrayed. Sakura only sighed and shared a look with Itachi, as if unsure how to go on.

It was his father who chose to comment on that matter.

"Sasuke, you must understand how sensitive this situation is."

But Sasuke could only blink owlishly at his father as his brain fought to understand the scene before him.

"Tou-san… You _knew_?"

"Hn."

But, but…" he found himself scrambling for anything to say, "he was screwing someone under your own roof!"

 _Idiot!_

Itachi snorted, Sakura looked like a plum tomato, and his father gave him a rare amused smirk.

"Son, you're the only one not screwing someone under this roof."

Sasuke almost whimpered. But Uchiha do not whimper. He chose to mirror Sakura's mortified expression instead.

"Chichi-ue has been most helpful with advice on courting Sakura," Itachi finally said his first words since this whole ordeal started and Sasuke was now _really_ close to actually ripping his hair out.

"You knew and you approve too?!" Sasuke practically shrieked and his brother had to physically restrain his little teammate.

"Oh, and you don't?!" Sakura yelled back. "What, I'm not worthy enough of your perfect older brother now?"

"It's not that!" Sasuke interrupted her before she got more pissed off. He really couldn't handle a chakra-infused punch to the face right now.

"It's just… why didn't you want to tell me?" he asked again.

"Because I knew you were going to be such a baby about it! You and Naruto both." The pinkette took a deep, calming breath.

"I just wanted us to get to know each other without the pressure of you guys being overly protective as you always are, and yes Sasuke, you would've been a pain in my behind even if it was Itachi I was seeing," she said before he could protest.

"When Itachi first approached me, I just wanted some peace, I wanted this to go smoothly. And when we knew we wanted this relationship to continue, I just wanted that peace to continue for a little bit more", Sakura explained, "without the village gossip and without the clan's disapproval, and definitely without you guys' interference."

"We weren't going to keep it from you for much longer, Sasuke." Sasuke turned his attention to Itachi as he spoke. "It was just for a few more weeks until all was sorted with the clan elders, and then we would've told you and announced it publicly."

Sasuke only sighed in response and ran his hand over his face.

"Well… who else knows?"

The couple shared a look.

"Just our mother and Kakashi-san," Itachi answered.

" _Kakashi?!_ "

"In our defence, he figured it out on his own." Sakura raised her hands in an effort to placate him. "His nose is too strong and he's known both of us for so long to not take notice of our actions afterwards."

"So, all of that flirting with him was to throw us off?"

"I wasn't flirting with him!"

 _Oooh she's annoyed again, not good._

"It was always harmless teasing," she continued, "besides, he had to start helping us out after you caught wind of things _somehow_."

He wasn't even about to give her an idea of just exactly how.

"So, he showed up at the hospital at the same time as aniki to throw me off?"

"Well no actually, that was me." Sakura looked very sheepish at that -maybe a bit guilty- and Itachi looked like he was fighting a smile.

"We felt you coming and that was the safest option at the time," his brother explained.

"So then…" Sasuke was almost afraid to ask, "that time we showed up at your place and you were in the bath?"

"Wasn't alone."

Uchiha Fugaku coughed uncomfortably.

"And that date Naruto heard you telling Ino about?"

"Was with me," Itachi supplied.

"How did I not catch you though?" Sasuke frowned. "I was always so close!"

"You just had really bad timing, otouto."

"I need to sit down…"

* * *

They had to explain everything to their dinner guests afterwards. Can't have an outburst out of the blue and not explain it, or they'll taunt you for being insane for the rest of your lives.

At least there was some satisfaction in seeing Shisui look so surprised too.

"That's who you've been going on all of those extra missions with?!" He'd sounded most affronted too.

Naruto and Sasuke had sworn not to obstruct the couple when they were having couple moments doing couple things. Turns out they were both quite fine with the idea really, just needed time to process it. Or maybe it was just Sakura cracking her knuckles and Itachi flashing his sharingan at them. Not that it mattered much.

Even after announcing their courtship to the rest of Konoha, Sakura and Itachi were almost never public in their displays of affection, something that relieved Sasuke greatly. As much as he approved, he would much rather not see his brother or his best friend engage in any intimate moment of any kind. Again.

Climbing up the stairs after a night at the bar with the boys, Sasuke was almost drooling at the thought of his comfortable mattress. Already sliding his vest off his shoulders, Sasuke slid his room's door open, and was greeted with the sound of loud, sensual moans.

He instinctively activated his sharingan as he took one step into the dark room before he could stop himself. There, on his futon, was a very naked, very unsuspecting Sakura. A little further south, was a shirtless Itachi whose mouth seemed to be very busy between her thighs, his arms wrapped around his girlfriend's hips to keep her from squirming too much.

Not a moment later, two owls outside Sasuke's window panickily fled their nest as two loud twin cries of _'Itachi!'_ reverberated around the room, one in horror, one in ecstasy-turned-horror as Sasuke dropped his vest and fled down the stairs.

He stubbed his toe into the wall - _again_ \- and didn't bother to stifle his howl of pain this time.

His brother's echoing chuckles told him the man knew _exactly_ what he was doing.

* * *

"Oi teme, wanna go celebrate with some ramen?"

They were just making their way through the gates after a particularly tedious stay in Iwa. To be quite honest, none of the three were as happy about the conclusion of their mission as much as they were relieved at not having to listen to the Tsuchikage prattle about the crystalline structures of earthy minerals for one more second.

"Can't," Sasuke returned, "my new futon is being delivered today, I have to go receive it."

"What happened to your old one?" Naruto frowned at him.

"Burned it."

He ignored Naruto's confused questions and Sakura's beetroot blush. No matter how much she insisted that it was dark and Itachi had just transported them there on his own, he still held her equally responsible for his trauma.

This was going to need a lot more getting used to than he thought.

* * *

 _Bonus scene that I couldn't fit anywhere but still wanted to write (because who says no to more smut, honestly):_

Sakura ran her hands over her lover's unclothed chest as he wrapped his legs around her waist, pulling her closer to where he sat on the exam table.

His kisses tasted sinful, tainting her with wicked desire that she never knew she could experience. She lightly sucked on his tongue and he grabbed her hips, lifting her up to straddle him.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she rubbed her covered breasts against his chest, arched into him as he lifted her shirt up and dragged his fingers up and down her back, before slipping his hand under her skirt.

"You are very naughty today, doctor Haruno." He bit gently on her earlobe, feeling especially impassioned at the lack of underpants under her skirt, his hand cupping her bare mound easily.

"Thought I should reward your commitment to these physicals with something nice," she returned breathily, moaning into his ear when his finger stroked her wet slit.

Pulling at his ponytail, Sakura bit her lip as Itachi slid his finger inside her and started pumping it slowly. He turned her face to him and captured her lips again, wrapping his tongue around hers while he added another finger.

Soon, she was moving her hips in tandem with his thrusts, hiding her face in his shoulder to smother her noises of pleasure, while he moved his fingers faster, murmuring words of encouragement in her ear.

She didn't know how she felt it, especially with how close she was to bursting, maybe it was the way his chakra was erratic and agitated, but she could feel it when an unwanted guest was making his way to the very room they were in.

"StopstopstopSasuke'scomingSasuke'scoming!"

"Well that wasn't exactly my intention, but I'm glad _someone_ is."

He set her back down and she slapped his shoulder in exasperation. He just impishly grinned at her and put on a henge as her ex-sensei while she tried to sort herself out before Sasuke barged into the room.

* * *

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas! Don't forget to let me know what you think :D


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